Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
