just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
