I wish my penis had an off switch
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize