His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
