May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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