Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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