I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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