I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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