Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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