i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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