Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
