Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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