No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize