Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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