My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
