I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
