i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
