So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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