sarcasm needs its own font
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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