I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
