you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
