well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I intend to get homeless drunk
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
