Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
