i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
