i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
