My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
