She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize