pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
