no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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