i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just googled if crying burns calories
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
