I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
