...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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