the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
