What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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