I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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