It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
