just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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