Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm like, not good at living.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
