Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
