It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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