Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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