Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
