apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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