seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
