My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
