Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
