I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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