very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
