i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
