He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
