haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
