So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
