Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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