only if we run a train.
done.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
