just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
