so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
