I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
