if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
