WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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