I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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