your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
