I hate all girls vehemently.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
