The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My room smells like vodka and shame
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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