it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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