sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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