If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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