hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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