remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
